


Painting the Town

by ohayohimawari, thetoxicstrawberry



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, Humor, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Self-Indulgent, We Hope That You Will Too, We Laughed Too Hard At This, art and writing collab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohayohimawari/pseuds/ohayohimawari, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetoxicstrawberry/pseuds/thetoxicstrawberry
Summary: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/570944375979376669/759393363584614451/dudewheresmykunai.pngIt's important to Kakashi that his lover and his longtime friend get along, so he plans a casual night out for them to get to know each other better. However, his best intentions opened the door to a night that he could never have predicted.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 64





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> This is another self-indulgent collaborative work by Berry-Doodles and Ohayohimawari because we can't help ourselves. This is our belated Birthday gift to each other. <3
> 
> We do not own these characters; we've had the most fun dreaming up a wild night for them.

“Does the message mean anything to you, Lord Sixth?”

“Please don’t call me that, Shikamaru,” Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. “I assure you, the Hidden Leaf was not infiltrated last night.”

“Alright, if you’re not worried, then I won’t worry. I’ll tell the cipher corps that they can disregard, and then I’ll assign, uh,” Shikamaru opened the door to exit the Hokage’s office, “the cleanup as D-rank missions to a few Genin teams.”

“Thank you,” Kakashi sighed, eyes still trained on his vandalized likeness on the Hokage Monument. _286/284 LOLZ_ appeared on his mask in blazing red overnight for all to see. The silver lining was that only a few could know what it meant and that he hadn’t been revealed as the one that trailed behind.

Behind him, Kakashi heard Sai clear his throat politely, signaling that he remained to have a private conversation.

“If I’d known, I wouldn’t have given it to them. I feel partly responsible, Lord—”

“It’s alright,” Kakashi waved his hand, dismissing the title he detested and all blame that Sai misplaced upon himself. “They were beyond reasoning with last night.”

“I was alarmed,” Sai confided. “I thought someone was breaking into the house, and I found evidence that they tried to come in through the window before they gave up and rang the doorbell instead.”

Kakashi kept his back turned so Sai couldn’t see him wince.

“It was almost three in the morning, and so I was in a hurry for them to leave before they’d wake Ino.”

“It’s alright, Sai,” Kakashi repeated.

“Well,” Kakashi heard rustling as Sai spoke again, “I’ll let ANBU know that they can lower the threat level with as few details as possible.”

“Thank you for your discretion, Sai.”

“Also, when you see them, please return this and…tell him he can keep the shirt,” he said and left the office as well.

Kakashi’s shoulders slumped once he was alone. He turned to look behind him and found a neatly folded, single orange leg warmer on his desk. He groaned, wondering what other surprises waited to be discovered as he rested one hand on his office chair.

The fact that he was the only occupant in his bed that morning was the first clue that his best intentions resulted in a wild night for the two people dearest to him. Before arriving at his office, Kakashi retraced his steps from the night before to the _Tipsy Tantō_ , which had been the last place he’d seen them. He walked the bar’s perimeter with heightened shinobi senses, searching for any clue that could guide him in the right direction. He was impressed anew that they’d managed to give him the slip in their drunken state when he spied bright blue scrawl painted on the side of a building several alleys away.

Kakashi arrived at it and ran his hand across the graffiti. The script was familiar, even if it was a little sloppier than usual. He smiled softly, happily hidden behind his mask, at the message _I <3 6_ painted in broad strokes on the wall. Even in a drunken haze, his lover kept him in mind, and it made waking up alone a little easier.

But then his gaze fell upon a pile of clothes topped with a happuri, which Kakashi recognized immediately. A new wave of worry over what had transpired the night before washed over him. He heard the near-silent flurry of ninja on the move in the distance, and he hastily gathered the garments strewn on the ground. He pressed his back against the building, shrinking into the shadows and out of view of the two shinobi that met on the rooftop above him.

“Lord Sixth isn’t at home; I think it’s time to increase security.”

“I’m not sure that’s necessary,” Sai’s emotionless response drifted down to Kakashi’s ears.

“There are cryptic messages all over Konoha, and our Hokage is missing!”

“Hmm,” Sai hummed noncommittally, betraying to Kakashi, at least, that he knew _something_ of what occurred the night before.

“I’ll report this to ANBU, and you head to the Hokage Tower,” the other ninja ground out just above a whisper. “Shikamaru’s already been alerted and should be on his way there now.”

Kakashi let his head fall back against the wall as the two ninjas above him darted off in opposite directions. Shikamaru was sure to be grumpier than usual if he’d woken before his alarm or his wife could rouse him. He sighed as he wove his fingers to cast the jutsu that would duplicate himself.

“Take these home,” Kakashi thrust his lover’s discarded garments into his clone’s arms the moment the other _poofed_ into existence. “Then, find them,” he ordered gruffly, and took to the rooftops, hurrying to get to his office to initiate damage control.

Kakashi rubbed his eyes, wiping the last recollection and reassessment of that morning’s events from them. He pulled his office chair out from his desk and sat down with a heavy sigh. His gaze purposefully avoided the garish leg warmer on his desk, and instead landed on the pile of papers in his inbox.

He reluctantly reached for the first piece of paper that required his attention at the top of the stack, when he suddenly remembered another oversight that was brought to his attention the night before. It was a very important something that remained undone since Lady Fifth had sat in that same office. Kakashi opened his desk drawer that contained various shinobi administrative procedures, hoping he’d find the one on how to retire codenames.

While his fingers flicked between the hanging file folders, a sudden rush of information flooded his mind. Kakashi’s back stiffened, knowing this meant that his clone completed its task and dispelled itself. He closed his eyes to concentrate on the images that came to him in quick succession.

Through the eyes of his clone, Kakashi walked the streets of Konoha. They were quiet, owing to the early hour, providing ample opportunity for scrutinizing his surroundings. Much had been done overnight to change the village’s scenery, and he had a better understanding of why it alarmed some of the Leaf ninjas.

There was graffiti everywhere he looked.

He recognized the handiwork and determined that Gai was responsible for everything in red, and he could credit Tenzō for anything in blue. The latter’s artwork appeared in abundance, and Kakashi deduced that Tenzō had run out of paint first; otherwise, more would’ve been done to his likeness on the Hokage Monument.

Kakashi found himself represented everywhere in what some might’ve called fine, abstract art. The people featured on billboard after billboard now boasted hair like his, and a tilted forehead protector over their faces.

While Kakashi’s clone inspected the message _tks 4 buying senpai_ in familiar blue lettering, Teuchi caught his attention and beckoned him to join him behind Ichiraku Ramen.

The jovial expression the man typically wore was replaced with a decidedly unamused scowl, and when the clone rounded the corner, the reason for it was immediately clear.

The two culprits-apparent were slumped, unconscious, between full trash bags and empty boxes in the alley behind the ramen shop. Although it was one of the most unlikely sights Kakashi ever expected to see, relief washed over him.

He wondered at how Gai could’ve fallen asleep in his chair in such an uncomfortable position, revealing more of himself than anyone ought to witness in his too-tight underwear and Sai’s even tighter shirt. And on the wall behind him was the last piece of evidence of their wild night.

The words _2-can Yam_ were painted in red, with an arrow pointing down at the man that earned the unfortunate nickname. To Kakashi’s horror, Tenzō wore Gai’s green jumpsuit; however, to his delight, he found a curious and endearing miniature mokuton version of himself tucked beneath his lover’s arm.

Gai’s injured leg rested across Tenzō’s chest, further proving that their crazy night had left them comfortable in each other’s company. Kakashi couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was Gai’s way of keeping tabs on Tenzō when he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer, and it touched him.

“Someone has to clean this up,” Teuchi issued his cranky order from within the clone’s memories.

“Yes, sir,” his clone managed to reply.

Teuchi nodded and returned to opening his restaurant. Alone, Kakashi joined his clone in laughing at the pair of deviants, before the clone regained his composure and slapped each of them awake.

“You two,” he growled in a menacing voice that Kakashi couldn’t believe he could manage at such a moment. “Hokage’s office. Now.”

It was almost too comical, watching their expressions go from bewilderment to guilt, and Kakashi credited his clone for keeping a straight face.

Tenzō looked down at himself, obviously unaware of what he wore until that moment. “M’kay, I’ll just change firs—”

“ _Now_ ,” the clone repeated, louder than the first time.

Both Gai and Tenzō winced at the increased volume of his voice but nodded that they would comply, and the beginning of their shameful procession through the streets of Konoha to the Hokage Tower was the last of the clone’s experiences.

In his office, Kakashi chuckled to himself, knowing that at any moment they would be knocking at his door. He withdrew an astronomical and yet unpaid bar tab from his pocket and laid it upon his desk before reclining in his chair, satisfied with himself.


	2. The Night Before

“You don’t have to do this tonight.” Kakashi pulled his hands from his pockets and leaned closer to Tenzō as the pair walked down a street in Konoha’s bustling center.

“We’re almost there, Kakashi,” Tenzō laughed, “and I know that. I _want_ to.”

“It’s just that Gai—”

“Is your oldest friend?” Tenzō interrupted.

“ _Never_ liked my involvement with ANBU,” Kakashi continued. “I’m probably overthinking this—”

“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.”

“I just don’t want him to have any reason to distrust or doubt you. Not that he does, but I don’t know,” Kakashi shrugged. “You don’t have to be best buddies or anything, but it would be nice to know that you two get along. You’re each so different, though, so I thought a casual night out would be a good idea. But then your mission ran longer, so—”

“It’s okay,” Tenzō reassured him, playfully bumping his shoulder into Kakashi’s. “I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. And, yeah, we’re different, but we have _you_ in common,” Tenzō nudged his shoulder into Kakashi’s again. “That’s a great place to start.”

“Okay,” Kakashi nodded, relaxing as he did. “I’ll just give you a couple of warnings,” he continued in a serious tone that made Tenzō laugh at him.

“Gai is probably going to challenge you, so be prepared for that.”

“For what?” Tenzō asked with obvious worry.

“Uh, anything, honestly,” Kakashi continued. “Also, Gai can really knock them back; so, don’t feel like you have to match him drink-for-drink.”

Tenzō scoffed. “I can hold my liquor,” he half-blustered, half-boasted.

Kakashi replied with a sidelong look and silence.

“Relax,” Tenzō wrapped his arm around Kakashi’s shoulders and squeezed lightly. “I want you to have fun tonight, too.”

“You’re right,” Kakashi tugged his mask down for a quick peck. Then he pulled it back up as he reached to open the door to the _Tipsy Tantō_. “We’ll have a couple of drinks, a few laughs, and probably be in bed before ten,” he chuckled.

At one in the morning, Kakashi stood in a shadowed corner of the bar, sulking and wondering how he got there.

What was supposed to be a casual night out quickly devolved into something that no one, especially Kakashi, could’ve predicted. He regarded the drink he held and nursed for most of the night – watered down with a wet napkin clinging to the glass - as he tried to make sense of the hours that led up to that point.

For starters, the _Tipsy Tantō_ was much more crowded than he expected, but the advertised special on rail drinks explained that. It was also karaoke night, and Kakashi realized that while the combination was a stroke of brilliance on behalf of the pub owner, it made conversation difficult. He tried to pinpoint the moment he should’ve recognized the evening was not going as planned, and suspected that it came as soon as when he formally introduced his lover and his oldest friend to each other.

Tenzō introduced himself as Yamato at the same time that Kakashi offered his preferred moniker. His lover then explained that his last codename hadn’t been officially retired. The revelation left Kakashi stunned, Gai confused, and the latter proceeded to call him ‘Yamzo’ all night.

The trio seated themselves at the only remaining table in the establishment. It was too near to the stage and, although he had his back to it, Kakashi took the full brunt of the stacked speakers. While one comrade after another proved why they were ninjas instead of singers, he did his best to follow Gai’s and Tenzō’s conversation by reading their lips and expressions. Though their laughter and smiles were encouraging, the number of drinks they consumed worried him. Worry gave way to alarm when the cheap rail drinks were replaced with even cheaper shots of tequila, and when their sly, unfocused gazes were directed at him too many times, it was apparent that they were talking _about_ him rather than _to_ him. Kakashi made a weak excuse of needing the men’s room, which went unheard anyway and settled himself in a corner where he could watch the pair who carried on without seeming to miss him at all.

However, tender amusement pulled Kakashi’s lips into a smile that stayed hidden behind his mask. Even in his dejected state, the sight of his lover and oldest friend thoroughly enjoying each other’s company made him happier than he expected it would. He even chuckled when Gai finally issued his inevitable challenge to Tenzō.

This brought Kakashi back to where he was in the present. He lifted his gaze from his stale drink to watch Tenzō struggle against Gai in an arm-wrestling match (despite his illegal employment of mokuton to brace his limb) while serenaded with an enka ballad that might have been lovely had it been sung by anyone other than Aoba.

Then, it got worse.

“I wonder how many former ANBU agents sleep with a nightlight,” Genma joined him in the corner of the bar. “It’s nice of you to keep it on for him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kakashi stirred his drink, quick to quell any rumors, whether they were true or not.

“He told me himself,” Genma’s senbon bobbed between his lips through his laughter. “Tequila must be the key to his vault; you might want to be careful about which secrets you share over pillow talk—”

“I think you misheard,” Kakashi ground out, low and dangerous.

“Oh, I know what I heard,” Genma cackled.

“I assign your missions.”

“I must’ve misheard,” Genma’s mirth dissipated.

Just then, Gai slammed Tenzō’s hand to the table, ending the arm-wrestling match. The crowd around them cheered, drowning out Aoba’s final refrain, as Ebisu joined Kakashi and Genma in the sulking section.

Ebisu snickered as Genma handed over a few ryo to him, but Kakashi barely noticed it as he watched Tenzō down a shot glass full of unidentifiable bright blue liquor.

“Will people **stop** buying drinks for my boyfriend?!” Kakashi spluttered and took a step towards the crowd.

“Who’s buying?” Ebisu laughed, pulling Kakashi’s attention back to him. “They’ve been pretty loud about their bar tab.”

Kakashi’s mask nearly slipped off when his jaw dropped.

“Uh oh—don’t look now,” Genma pointed in the opposite direction and burst into laughter.

Kakashi turned around in time to see Tenzō take the stage while Gai clapped enthusiastically, chanting, “Yamzo! Yamzo!”

His jaw clamped shut when the first few notes of a familiar tune started playing over the speakers. Kakashi braced himself when he recognized ‘their song,’ the same one they often danced to in the kitchen.

Wobbly on his feet, Tenzō sang, while his cross-eyed gaze scanned the pub for his lover, and a smile lit up his entire face when he found him within the crowd. In that instant, any humiliation that Kakashi felt, or thought he should feel, disappeared.

And it was not only because Tenzō was the best singer of the Leaf shinobi.

Once his eyes found Kakashi, they remained on him. Each word carried Tenzō’s genuine attachment to him, even if slurred together. Kakashi swallowed, almost overcome with the fact that another cared for him so deeply.

He wasn’t the only one to notice it, either. Gai wheeled himself around to face the crowd, tears welling in his eyes.

“Oh, Rival,” Gai exclaimed, “he loves you so much!” Sobs threatened to silence the Blue Beast of Konoha, but he managed to choke out, “I’m so happy for you,” before the dam burst and his tears flowed.

“Ka-kakshi,” Tenzō giggled at his drunken mispronunciation and tried again. “Kakashi,” he repeated, pulling Kakashi’s full attention to him.

“You are my…” Tenzō licked his lips, clearly unprepared for his speech during the musical interlude of the song, “… My hero, my friend, you—I _love_ your aftershave.”

Despite his growing embarrassment, Kakashi laughed when his lover suddenly changed tack. Onstage, Tenzō smiled sheepishly in return, before he continued his public confession.

“I-I sprinkle it on my sleeping bag when I pack up to go on a mission; that’s why you keep running out,” guilt flushed his cheeks further. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not, because-because then I feel close to you when I’m away. You,” Tenzō’s eyes shone with unshed tears, renewing Gai’s vigorous sobs from the audience. “You are my everything.”

Kakashi sucked in a deep breath, moved by the clumsy, heartfelt admission. As Tenzō whirled around onstage, lost and regained his balance, then launched into the final chorus of ‘their song,’ Kakashi tried and failed to master the emotions that swirled within him. He felt every pair of eyes in the room upon him, and when the song ended, he slipped away to hide in the men’s room under cover of the crowd’s applause.

He needed a moment to recover, though he knew he had to be quick about it. Kakashi wasn’t about to leave Tenzō and Gai unsupervised for long, but he needed to make sense of what swelled within him.

Anger wasn’t among the too-many feelings that ricocheted in his mind, stomach, and heart. He’d felt this before, and even though it had been a long time since he’d experienced it, Kakashi hadn’t forgotten how it felt to love someone.

Admitting it to himself had a calming effect, and Kakashi wondered how he’d feel when he admitted it to Tenzō. However, he decided it would be best to wait until the other man was sober.

Kakashi reemerged from the men’s room cool and collected, but when neither Gai nor Tenzō was in sight, panic sprang anew. His eyes scanned the whole bar, frantically searching for them, but they were gone. He made for the door but stopped short when tugged from behind.

The bartender stood still and solemn-faced, holding up their unpaid tab.

Kakashi gulped, “I’m sure they’re right outside; I’ll find them.”

The bartender’s raised eyebrow proved he wasn’t convinced.

“I’m the Hokage,” Kakashi offered, sounding more confident than he felt. Even _he_ didn’t know how his position applied to the situation, but it was the first, best excuse to come to mind.

And to his surprise, it worked, because he and the bar tab were allowed to leave. Kakashi darted out the door before he could test his luck further. Once outside, he looked in every direction at once, his latent tracking senses awakened, but there was no sign, no scent, no clue as to where they’d gone.

Gai and Tenzō had completely vanished, and he had to admit that he was impressed.

They were the two ninjas _he_ would call on for help if needed, and that quashed any concern Kakashi may have over the pair landing themselves in trouble. Tenzō hadn’t had many opportunities to let loose, and Gai wouldn’t let him get too out of control, would he?

Kakashi shook his head, clearing it. He decided that his secrets were probably in more jeopardy than either of the other men. It wasn’t a comforting thought, and he quickly reminded himself that he carried enough of _their_ secrets to ensure that they kept _his_.

He shook his head again and laughed that he was ridiculous. While he fretted outside of the _Tipsy Tantō_ , Tenzō had probably made his way home to pass out. So Kakashi decided that’s where he belonged too, and hoped that his lover left the nightlight on so he could navigate his way into their bed beside him.


	3. Bonus Omake: Thick as Would-be Thieves

“Shhh,” Gai hissed over his shoulder at Tenzō when the other threatened to collapse into yet another giggle fit.

Konoha’s Blue Beast was in a state of limbo, caught halfway through a window, and his partner-in-crime was too drunk to heave him fully inside. Even in his own inebriated state, he reckoned this wasn’t going to work.

“This isn’t going to work,” he whispered his thoughts aloud, and the other man stopped pushing him.

“Why?” Tenzō thankfully ceased giggling.

“Because, Yamzo, even if we get inside, we don’t know where Sai keeps his paint.”

“Oh, good point,” Tenzō stepped aside to allow Gai to drop back down to his wheelchair, where he sat and considered their options.

“You know who _would_ know,” Gai did his best to focus his gaze on Tenzō, “Sai.”

“You’re right,” Tenzō nodded.

“Guess we better wake him up, huh?” It was Gai’s turn to giggle.

They were still stifling their snickers when Sai opened the door after his doorbell rang for the third time.

“Hello,” he greeted them, sleepily, confused, and polite.

“We need paint,” Gai cut straight to the point, “and we figured that _you_ were the right man to ask.”

“I have lots of paint,” Sai concealed his apprehension beneath well-rehearsed congeniality. “What kind would you like?”

Gai thought for a moment. “Whatever you have the most of,” he decided.

The corner of Sai’s perfected smile twitched before he asked, “Why?”

“We can’t tell you,” Gai shook his head solemnly, “but we have a plan—”

“A big plan,” Tenzō supplied, too enthusiastically, which caused an even greater crack in Sai’s courteous countenance.

“I’m not sure that I should give it to y—”

“Sai,” Tenzō soothed, doing his best to impersonate Kakashi at his most silver-tongued. “ _I_ was your cat-pin.”

“Captain,” Sai corrected.

“Yes. That. I was.” Tenzō nodded sagely, and it was all the reason he would provide.

Sai eyed them warily, but whatever internal debate he had ended quickly. “Okay,” he said and left them standing at his door while he retrieved two cans of spray paint.

Having given them what they wanted, Sai bid them goodnight and attempted to close the door to them, when Gai thrust his uninjured leg in the way, preventing him.

“Wait!” He exclaimed. “Give me your shirt.”

He spoke as if struck by a moment of madness, and even Tenzō appeared confused by it.

“My what?” Sai’s civil exterior disappeared.

“Your shirt,” Gai repeated, then hastily thrust the cans of paint into Tenzō’s hands and peeled his leg warmer off. “Here, I’ll trade you,” he offered it to Sai. “It’s about the same amount of fabric, so we’ll be even.”

Once again, Sai was left without an argument or without wanting to engage in one, so he pulled his shirt off over his head and handed it to Gai before he accepted the leg warmer from him. Then, he didn’t even bother with an attempt at niceties and closed the door in their faces.

Tenzō and Gai didn’t mind the abrupt end to the visit as they’d got what they came for. Tenzō braced himself on the back of Gai’s wheelchair, and they sped to a secluded alley in the center of the Hidden Leaf Village.

“Why did you need his shirt?” Tenzō asked when they came to a stop.

Gai tapped the side of his nose with one finger. “Disguises,” he said with a wink.

“Disguises?”

“Yes,” Gai revealed his pickled plan as he extricated himself from his jumpsuit. “We’re ninjas, and…and ninjas are masters of disguise.”

“What’s my disguise?” Tenzō’s eyes widened with anticipation.

“This,” Gai balled up his green jumpsuit. “It’ll allow you greater mobility for climbing up the side of his face with me on your back,” and he held it out to Tenzō.

Tenzō accepted it eagerly, as giggles erupted from him.

Gai did his best to stretch Sai’s shirt over his chest. He issued a blinding smile and a confident thumbs-up. “He’ll never know it was us!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the members of The Kakashi Lounge for brainstorming with us and for indulging us in our nonsense!


End file.
